One more star in the night sky….

I spent yesterday in hospital with a close friend and her partner. a few weeks ago all their dreams had come true, engaged, happy together and a baby only a few short months away. It was the happiest I had seen her in a long time and I was just so glad things seemed to be working out for her after a rocky few years. All she has ever wanted (like me) is to be a Mum. We had a dinner party, them, us and another couple, we three girls had worked together several years back and become close. It was such a happy night with so much hope for the future. We were all rubbing her belly and talking to her baby.
Yesterday my friend left a message on my phone to call her in the evening, when I heard her voice I knew it couldn’t wait. I know when something is up no matter how she tries to hide it. Everything went through my head, except what had actually happened. Her little one, so wanted and so loved already had been born that morning. She was induced after a routine check-up turned into every Mothers nightmare. Her precious little babies heart had stopped, 23 weeks into pregnancy, when this is not meant to happen, when it’s all supposed to be ok.
Yesterday we sat, we talked, we laughed and we cried. I drank a lot of coffee and still felt like a fog had drifted in. I went back to work today and struggled through, thinking of all three of them all day.
Last night I cast on a shawl, a warm hug when I can’t give her one. Deep red homespun merino/alpaca/silk with lovehearts to remember her Valentines due date.
To a beautiful little girl who will never feel pain again.
We love you and we miss you.